She doesn't know it, but I took them. Four of them. I meant to tell her when I went to see her, but I couldn't. She barely moved when I touched her. And when I whispered her name and touched her hair, there was only sleep. So I kissed her, took what I'd come for and left. If we speak tomorrow I will explain everything. I left behind my things because I was taking hers and not thinking about mine. But one of the items I took contained something I did not expect.
I wish I could assume my thoughts lend themselves to this topic for a specific reason. But the only reason I can think of is because it is this topic to which I allow myself to lend my thoughts. These thoughts are by no means new. I've had these thoughts for as long as I can recall; since my earliest childhood memories, these thoughts have been prevalent. The daydreams these thoughts are given permission to create invade my very soul. My desire for fulfillment of these dreams has been particularly strong in the last weeks. I am wrestling with that desire for I'm not certain the degree to which it has taken hold is entirely healthy.
But in one moment, persuaded there not by means internal, I was lost again in the day dream. Caught up in familiar arms that have held me in so many dreams like this. This time we are dancing; gazing at forever in each others eyes. Dancing to a song I heard first today on one of the items taken without her knowledge. But she's there too; watching the dance and soon the music changes. She joins in the celebration, but I hardly notice. The arms shield me as a single tear runs down my face and forces me to realize it's just my dream again. The dance is over and the song is still coming through the speakers on my car stereo.
Back in college, in 2004 when blogging was hardly even a thing yet, I was here. Blogging before blogging meant anything to anyone. You can look in the archives for my past writings, but it was much more like a journal in the past. When we started fundraising, I messed around with the idea of launching something new for this new phase of our journey but actually hated that idea. I am a sum of all of my life and so much of it is here already. So I'm keeping it here. At least for now.
My main focus these days is blogging about our newest journey into the bizarre and wonderful world of gestational surrogacy. Posts dated 2013 and forward will trend heavily toward that journey. I don't promise everything I write will be about though. There might be other things that sneak in occasionally.
Please come along our journey with us. As the saying goes, "The more, the merrier!"
No comments:
Post a Comment