There are many types of falling. I know, I've experienced many of them. Falling down. Falling fast. Falling apart. Literally falling (I should write a blogg someday about my high school days and the stairs on the way to band. There's a story!). Falling away - from people, God, myself. Falling. Falling is usually thought of with a negative connotation. When you fall the implication is that eventually you have to get back up. I know. I've tried to pull myself off the floor one too many times. Eventually I just gave up and resolved to stay there and let parts of myself die to the things that fell away from who I desired to be.
But something changed. Someone changed me. What if this time I'm falling up?
This year has been one of change. Many things have changed in my life. I have made real decisions for the first time in my life. I have let God take charge of my life, making Him Lord, surrendering finally and finally to whatever is His will for me. I have stepped back, stepped up, and stepped out in the faith that has been a strong thread in my being since childhood. Instead of denying my faith, I embraced it. Instead of faithlessness, I tested faithfulness and found the results astounding. I used to seek joy in external things, this year I began seeking joy where it has always rested - in the Lord. I have longed, for as long as I can remember, for the joy of the Lord to be my strength. Now I can proudly proclaim that I have stopped trying to force the joy of the Lord into my agenda. He is all I need, In HIM ALONE is my Joy and Strength and in faith I will overcome the trials of this life.
Another thing I have longed for my whole life is companionship. I have searched for it, played games to find it, hurt people in the pursuit, and likewise severely damaged myself. But something incredible happened when I surrendered my life to the Lord. I now understand what people mean when they say "And when I quit looking and gave it all the Lord, my future husband just showed up on my doorstep." That is, quite literally what happened to me. I pleaded with God to show up in my life, to show me His will for me. Twelve days later I was face to face with John Watson Morris. John is a man I'd met online 12 days before, in a freakishly coincidental situation that we both believe was not at all coincidental but an event orchestrated by God to unite us for His purpose. To tell the story in its entirety would take more time than I have now, but it will follow in days to come.
Only in surrendering fully and completely to the Lord was I blessed with an amazing man who daily demonstrates to me what it means to follow passionately after God. John has, since his surreal arrival into my life just over a month ago, been the most clear example of Jesus Christ any human being has shown me. I am committed to the Lord and would lay anything at His feet, including my relationship with John, if it were required to pursue His will for me.
I have been blessed and I think this time I'm falling up.
Back in college, in 2004 when blogging was hardly even a thing yet, I was here. Blogging before blogging meant anything to anyone. You can look in the archives for my past writings, but it was much more like a journal in the past. When we started fundraising, I messed around with the idea of launching something new for this new phase of our journey but actually hated that idea. I am a sum of all of my life and so much of it is here already. So I'm keeping it here. At least for now.
My main focus these days is blogging about our newest journey into the bizarre and wonderful world of gestational surrogacy. Posts dated 2013 and forward will trend heavily toward that journey. I don't promise everything I write will be about though. There might be other things that sneak in occasionally.
Please come along our journey with us. As the saying goes, "The more, the merrier!"
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