He was right; I didn’t think he’d respond. But now that he has, I actually have to figure out what I’m going to say to him. Technically it isn’t what I’m going to say I have to figure. Just how does one explain this? The matter is so complex and even I am not sure why I think I will benefit from his answer. I just know that somewhere in my soul I will.
His answer does not matter. I’m motivated simply in the yearning to know that I’ve held since first the thought occurred to me. I cannot escape the way it confines me. Always the saying “curiosity killed the cat” running like a broken record in my head. Maybe curiosity will kill the Kate as well; but she’ll at least die with knowledge. And he’s the only one who can provide that knowledge. There is only other source and that information is unreliable at best. However unwise this move I plan on making might be, frankly pursuing the other source is much more risky.
What is knowledge anyway? And why do I want this specific piece of knowledge? I’ve decided that knowing will help me make wiser decisions in the future. It will help me identify some of my emotions, confusion, and longings. If his answer is yes, it will bring opportunity to right some wrongs and fix other issues that I’ve long avoided. If it is no, a separate set of issues will require examination. See, this piece of knowledge will forever change me – either way; it is just that powerful. And he who holds it will forever hold a place in my heart; a place that only the first person you ever truly loved can capture.
I wish there were another way.
Back in college, in 2004 when blogging was hardly even a thing yet, I was here. Blogging before blogging meant anything to anyone. You can look in the archives for my past writings, but it was much more like a journal in the past. When we started fundraising, I messed around with the idea of launching something new for this new phase of our journey but actually hated that idea. I am a sum of all of my life and so much of it is here already. So I'm keeping it here. At least for now.
My main focus these days is blogging about our newest journey into the bizarre and wonderful world of gestational surrogacy. Posts dated 2013 and forward will trend heavily toward that journey. I don't promise everything I write will be about though. There might be other things that sneak in occasionally.
Please come along our journey with us. As the saying goes, "The more, the merrier!"
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