This past week I have been house sitting for the Kuhns' (yes, the same family for whom I used to nanny). They are all having a grand time with Granny and Gramps Kuhn in Portland. I'm sure my girls are loving every minute and think they have to come home all too soon.
But I am here at their home in Aurora, where I used to spend my days watching the three of them; only this time there are no childrens' noises to fill my days. The only noises I have in my head are the music I keep on to hopefully drown out the sound of the birds and the dogs. Well, the dogs aren't typically too bad. (Unless Kayla is growling which sometimes scares me. I don't really like Kayla. I never really have. But I'm used to her enough. She always made me nervous with the kids. At least the kids are not here now.)
But the birds are a different matter entirely. Perhaps I'm more aware of them now because there are not three children making child noises as there were when I was when I was here as "Nanny Katy." (It's cute how Abbey, who was barely verbal when I left, still calls me that to distinguish me from her sister Katie.) Perhaps the birds here this summer are just louder than the ones were last summer. Or perhaps it's because last summer when I was house sitting I was sick and there was almost always someone here with me.
And that brings me to being alone. I like being alone. It's great. But not when I have bad dreams. I'm not a big dreamer. Meaning, I don't dream often. But when I do they are very vivid and they stick with me for days or months....if not forever. And this one has been really tough to get over. Maybe it's because I watched the movie "Hide and Seek" recently. Or maybe it's because I went to the Art Institute that day and viewed some disturbing images. Or maybe it's because I had to take a pain pill for the first time since January that night. Indeed it could really be a combination of all of those factors. But for whatever reason this dream has been playing over and over in my mind and I cannot make the horrible image go away. The fact that it was loosely based in reality also freaks me out. There is a connection to something and I can make it - distinctly. I assure you, it is not reassuring. And it does not make me feel any ease about be in someone else's house alone.
Back in college, in 2004 when blogging was hardly even a thing yet, I was here. Blogging before blogging meant anything to anyone. You can look in the archives for my past writings, but it was much more like a journal in the past. When we started fundraising, I messed around with the idea of launching something new for this new phase of our journey but actually hated that idea. I am a sum of all of my life and so much of it is here already. So I'm keeping it here. At least for now.
My main focus these days is blogging about our newest journey into the bizarre and wonderful world of gestational surrogacy. Posts dated 2013 and forward will trend heavily toward that journey. I don't promise everything I write will be about though. There might be other things that sneak in occasionally.
Please come along our journey with us. As the saying goes, "The more, the merrier!"
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