Back in college, in 2004 when blogging was hardly even a thing yet, I was here. Blogging before blogging meant anything to anyone. You can look in the archives for my past writings, but it was much more like a journal in the past. When we started fundraising, I messed around with the idea of launching something new for this new phase of our journey but actually hated that idea. I am a sum of all of my life and so much of it is here already. So I'm keeping it here. At least for now.

My main focus these days is blogging about our newest journey into the bizarre and wonderful world of gestational surrogacy. Posts dated 2013 and forward will trend heavily toward that journey. I don't promise everything I write will be about though. There might be other things that sneak in occasionally.

Please come along our journey with us. As the saying goes, "The more, the merrier!"

Monday, May 24, 2004

Discovering Me

The past two weeks have consisted of a whirlwind of "coincidental" situations that have knit together so many experiences and misunderstandings of my youth to reveal to me the God of the Universe in a fresh exciting way that I am longing to exclaim to the whole earth. An unedited entry from my private journal makes its way for the first time onto my weblog; such a radical step for me really to be so candid. But this my friends and loved ones, this is me. Ready or not, here I am.

May 23, 2004
My Abba,
There is nothing more beautiful to me than the sound of your voice calling my name. It is the most amazing love song ever composed and I have not breath enough to utter thanks or right praise. As I begin the longest journey of my life, I plead with You my God to hold me tight in Your Holy arms.
This - being Yours & knowing, seeing, experience You - is indescribable. There are no words. I surrender all. Holy God, my Maker - my King - I give you everything. As this plane on which I sit ascends into the air right now, I fly to you Jesus. I depart into Your capable, comforting, calming hands and I learn anew even in this very moment how beautiful I am to my Savior.
As I look out over and from above the mountains, I ask you to help me with the desire I have to lay down my fears. Release my past, relinquish my desire for the way I have tried to arrange and orchestrate my life for the past 24 years, repair the damage done to my spirit and soul. Restore my soul Lord God in Heaven. Teach me to know and understand Your heart. I have been blessed with a freedom I recognize as a gracious and precious gift directly from the hand of the One who formed me and knew me from the beginning of time.
I'm finally free and IT FEELS GOOD to know that I am allowed to be me.
Jesus, Lover of my Soul, You are my faithful provider. Times will not always be as apparently joyful as this moment - as these last several days, weeks, and even painfully joyful months - but I trust in the Truth of the Word my mighty sword. Your joy will evermore be my strength. No more lies. No more hiding. I am now completely free and completely surrendered to My Abba. I have always known this day was just around the corner. Amen! Amen!



This is my response to the blessings God has given unto my life. I will praise Him, pray, and seek His face. I love God with everything I am and desire to know Him more every day. I love and respect each person in my life for the role they have played in preparing me for the person I am today and the person I will strive to be for the rest of my days. It's that simple. Anything else might jeopardize my future.
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